Nothing positive comes from guilt and shame and hiding. I know this now... but man, it has been a very hard lesson to learn.
I cleaned out a closet this weekend. A closet that hasn't been touched in 8 years. A "hoarder spot" in my house. For 8 years, I piled stuff in.. turned off the light and shut the door. I would pull something out every now and then, but for the most part, it was a "dirty little secret" a place of my house no one would EVER get to see. My house looks normal from the outside, common areas clean and tidy and inviting for family and company. But that closet... it gave me anxiety knowing what was behind that door... I didn't want to deal with it... the thought of facing the daunting task of cleaning and organizing it made me feel queasy.. and a little scared.. What if I couldn't do it? What if I couldn't finish this project? What if someone SEES inside this closet!?! That feeling in my gut was familiar... and the feeling that tells me, "Tiffany... do it. Go for it...be comfortable getting uncomfortable."
Piece by piece, and box by box I pulled things out. Trash mixed with memories and childhood things, stuff that was useless and like four glue guns! LOL I would stop every now and then to look at pictures or hold something Mason or Christian had made for me and cry. It was a rollercoaster of excitement and frustration, with great hope of an organized and tidy space. I cleared 4 bags of trash, donated an equal amount and lovingly packed and organized the rest.
In all of this, I found that the closet was a great parallel for many things in my life. Pretty with and perfectly normal on the outside - with absolute chaos on the inside. Getting real, getting vulnerable, showing inside my "closet" is necessary to de-clutter, heal, and move forward. It is humiliating to share with everyone what that closet looked like - some of my closest friends had NO IDEA what was behind that door. I was so ashamed... but l had to realize on my own that hiding out and being embarrassed about a little junk was holding me back. No one could clean it out for me. I HAD to face it head on. I am glad I did.
What chaos is in your "closet"? Can you get real and clean the "junk" out? Is hiding the contents of your "closet" making you feel better or worse? The process and the journey can be painstaking.. but always, ALWAYS worth the effort.